How I think (and don't think) during an interview.

Interviews are crazy scary. People say they get easier with time, and I wonder if that is because we accrue more skills, or better ways to make ourselves look a whole lot better than the inner stability regarding our own judgment of self-worth. Wow. That sentence is dense, and I mean that in two meanings:  being heavy and filled with implications, and being dumb. I'm not even sure it made sense with all the scribing of saturated fetid matter. Sigh. This is exactly the kind of scramble that happens in my mind when they ask a question like:  "Can you provide an example of when you overcame a difficulty?"
In my mind I quickly generate:  "Oh yes! One time I talked to-- errr mimed to a man-- who indicated (yes that indication took some time), that he was both deaf and mute. Instead of smiling and waving him away, I showed him images of how to properly clean his boat (I was an inspector you see), and although I jabbered in vain-- but perhaps he could read lips?-- I got through everything and waved goodbye. I smiled and he smiled too."
Now, instead of saying this, this informal poorly chosen example that for some annoying reason aways pops in my head for pretty much every response to any question, I come up with (read with a British accent because I'd like to believe the dumb wishfully sophisticated asshole that is talking has a nasaly accent):
"Well there was one instance when I came across a fellow who was but both deaf and mute. I approached the fine gentleman only to discover his ailment and the controversy it posed. But alas, I had a task, a responsibility to talk to all boaters, and strongly following suit. I began a hybrid conversation based on mutual respect and patience. He left with more knowledge regarding aquatic invasive species laws, and I left knowing that if a challenge forms before me, I can triumph with a smile on my face."

After this monologue is applied to every other word of my first response to create a laid-back and British dung-hole conversation, I usually just sit there and smile. I'll try to wipe the sweat off my palm before I shake my interviewers hand goodbye, but its never successful. Sometimes I go home and take notes on the interview. Its often good for a laugh that leaves me humiliated. Soooo, yeah. I'm sick of trying to sound better than I am because it makes it worse! The most successful people are legitimate. Legitimately stupid people have a realness that can be appreciated. The dumb people pretending to be smart are disliked. So come tomorrow, for I have an interview if you haven't guessed, I will be legitimately me (which is hopefully not stupid as my last statement has no doubt implied). I will increase my level of politeness. I will use eye contact I usually reserve for the bars, but my responses will be well thought out and spoken out of my mouth.

But still I'm nervous, but that means I'm doing something outside my comfort zone, which means I'm expanding my experiences--pushing myself, and that means I'm doing something right.